IC Inbox - Recolle

[totallynotanoni]

Kasen Ibaraki

Hello, this is Katherine Takada. Unfortunately I cannot reach you at the moment, so please leave a message after the beep, and I'll be sure to get back to you as quickly as I can. Thank you.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[totallynotanoni]

I'm sorry to hear that.
Do you want to talk about it?

[thisloveisjustice]

yeah, a little

damned witch keeps laughing at me as she throttles yosuke

[totallynotanoni]

[ Kath goes still for a moment, taking in the text, before immediately going to her contacts and calling Tatsuo in person. ]

Tatsuo, are you okay? [ The worry in her voice is obvious. ]

[thisloveisjustice]

[if it had been anyone but Katherine calling at that moment, Tatsuo might have let it ring]

Yeah, I...

[he's breathing a little heavily, and clearly trying to get himself under control]

Why'd I let him look in that stupid well? I was the adult. I should have looked.

[totallynotanoni]

[ All the while, Katherine is listening, her worried frown deepening as she realizes just how deeply Tatsuo has been affected by the incident with the witch.

She knows what its like. To get hung up on what-ifs even in a positive aftermath. She knows what its like to feel responsible for someone else and what it feels like to feel as if you've failed them. Part of her never really stopped. It still hasn't. ]

You feel responsible for what happened. [ Its less of a matter-of-fact statement and more calling it to the surface. ]

[thisloveisjustice]

[Tatsuo drags the hand not holding his phone down his face.]

Yes, I do. After everything we'd seen, I should have been the one to look. But I let myself get distracted by a set of clattering shackles.

[All he can see is the witch with her hands around Yosuke's neck.]

[totallynotanoni]

[ In a way, she knows how he's feeling, to fail someone you feel responsible for. Once upon a time she had been the one responsible for her sister: to guide and protect her and care for her when the orphanage workers wouldn't. Then everything had happened and, in a sense, she'd failed her. All she can see is that look of hope in Lucy's eyes when she had been lead out the door, thinking they'd be back together soon.

There's actually a pause as her mind wanders, before she snaps it back and focuses on the task at hand. When Katherine finally speaks up, her voice is understanding and calm. ]

I know you've probably heard this said before, Tatsuo, but...we all make mistakes. [ She starts, picking her words carefully as she goes. She's too tired to be sympathetic, and it doesn't feel like thats what the situation calls for in the first place. Tatsuo doesn't need pity, he needs comfort and advice. And thats something she specializes in. ] And we can't always control that. We can't go back in time and change whats happened, and we can't always correct them in the aftermath. [ No matter how much you wish to. ] But what we can do is learn from them and move forwards.

[thisloveisjustice]

[Yeah, he has heard it before. And logically, he understands it. He understands that there was no way he could have known Yosuke would get attacked. That in the end they'd both been okay, even if a little shaken up. He understands that he can't go back and change things. He's understood that fact since he was a child.

But even though he understands that there will always be things outside of his control, that doesn't mean the rest of his brain is done with him.]

I know.

I know.

It's just so fucked up.

[Tatsuo tries to get his breathing under control. Slow down, count between each inhale, each exhale, let the air circulate in a steady stream. It's a struggle though, as every few seconds his chest hitches.]

[totallynotanoni]

[ It really is fucked up.

Logic does tend to weaken in the face of trauma, after all. Even if one understands, that doesn't mean the feeling, the thought, is still just as disturbing. For a moment, she doesn't know what to say, biting her lip in silent frustration at herself.

He's been thinking about this all since the end of the event, possibly longer, by the sounds of it. Has he had the chance to talk to anyone about this?

Maybe its time he gets to explain it.

She gives him the time to pull his breathing together, then asks her question. ]

If its okay for me to ask...can you describe to me, what the scene that plays out in your head is like? What is happening?

[ Sometimes its best to just let them talk and be the one to listen. ]

[thisloveisjustice]

[It's a few moments before Tatsuo answers, because he's not sure he wants to share what the inside of his head is like right now. But at the same time... someone from his group outside of reality were probably the only ones who would really understand.]

It starts off normal enough. Yosuke and I go off to the right to explore. There's a staircase that leads down and to a sort of outdoor courtyard. There's not much there, just a well, and a set of old shackles. I go to look at the shackles. They're heavy and rusted and there are deep gouges in the metal as if the last person who'd been restrained with them tried to claw them off.

Meanwhile, Yosuke has gone over to the well. But when he looks in, there is this almighty shriek, and she comes flying out. The witch. The next thing I know, Yosuke is on the ground with the witch sitting on his chest. I start toward them, but the shackles have twisted around my ankles and I almost fall on my face.

She starts ranting about the princess and the kingdom, and how people are always looking for the princess, rather than someone else. And then she asks us the question, about if we had one wish to change who we were, would we take it? We both tell her no, but I guess she didn't believe Yosuke? Because the next thing I know, she's got her hands around his neck.

I yell at her to get off of him, but she just looks at my with those pale blue eyes and I get slammed against the wall by nothing. And when I try to move, to get her off Yosuke, I can't. Something is pinning me to the wall, but there's nothing there.

And she just... keeps squeezing his neck. Saying it's too late for us, too late for all of us, and he's struggling, clawing at the ground as he tries to breathe. I'm screaming at her, begging her to let him go, but she just laughs and says it was never a choice.

And then... then he goes limp.

[Tatsuo's voice cracks.]

[totallynotanoni]

[ Moving to sit on the edge of her bed, Katherine listens in apt silence, letting Tatsuo talk for as long as he needs to. ]

Breath, Tatsuo. You and Yosuke and the rest of us are safe now.

[ She tries to say this as assuringly as possible. ]

[thisloveisjustice]

[She does sound reassuring. But Tatsuo is only about half-way to where he can be reassured about anything.]

We shouldn't have been there. None of us should have been there. But especially Yosuke and Anya. They're not even out of high school yet! They're still kids. They shouldn't have to go through all this!

[He forces himself to take a breath.]

Someone died. In one of the other groups that got chucked out like we did. Something happened... and someone died. And all I can think about it how it could have been Yosuke too.

[And there it is. The fear that is keeping all of this going around and around in his head. The fear that something will happen to someone under his care and he'll be powerless to stop it.]

[totallynotanoni]

[ To hold yourself to the expectations of a guardian, a protector, and the resulting fear of failing those standards. Katherine has had a feeling that was his fear since he described his nightmare in the text. Its something she's definitely heard of and, in a way, a feeling she is all too familiar with. ]

From what it sounds like, your afraid of failing those you care about. [ "Your a good man with a good heart,", she thinks, "And thats what hurts you the most.". ] You expect yourself to be the one to protect those you care for. And it scares you, the idea that there are things that you can't always protect them from. That there's always the possibility that you'll be powerless to stop something.

[thisloveisjustice]

[Somehow Katherine manages to put into words all of the worried feelings tumbling about in Tatsuo's mind.]

Yeah... that's pretty accurate.

[Something inside of Tatsuo starts to loosen, a part of him he hadn't even realized was so tightly wound until now.]

I just... I know I can't protect them from everything. And I shouldn't try. But that's why I help Dante with the weapons training and why I teach karate. I can't always be there. So when I am there and something goes wrong...